New Year’s Resolutions to You, From the Dog
Human beings aren’t the only ones who make New Year’s resolutions (only to break them a few weeks later!) Your canine companion also has a few resolutions they have decided to make to you:
Dear Human,
I will stay out of the cat’s domain
I realize that the cat and I don’t always get along, and I do love checking out what new surprises are in her litter box. It really drives her crazy, and it is so much fun, but I promise to resist the urge to take a peek.
I’ll befriend humans in more appropriate ways
Just to be clear, I am a four-legged creature who is much nearer the ground than you and sniffing your back end just seems more natural to me. However, I get that my normal greeting is not usually received with aplomb, so I promise to focus on people’s upper bodies when getting to know them.
I’ll desist from emptying my bladder in the house at night
I resolve my level best to hold my bladder and not pee in the house when nature calls. I will try my level best to wait until morning and go for a call of nature during my morning walk. This excludes any special considerations or extenuating circumstances.
I will appreciate the vet
I acknowledge that my current relations with the vet are at best frosty. I understand that it is in my best interests to see the vet at least once a year just to make sure I’m healthy. I promise to resist the urge to bite my vet and their staff despite their pesky needles! I will also go as far as giving them a friendly lick and kiss when I leave the premises.
I will eat less and avoid stealing food as much
I promise not to have too many dog biscuits (unless you feel it necessary that I should snack on more!) or steal food that does not belong to me. I promise not to try and open food drawers or try to dodge into the pantry when no one is looking though all bets are off if you make it too easy.
I promise to get off the couch more and will prod you to take me out with you for more walks several times in the week.
I will bark less at the mailman and the neighbors
I love hearing my own bark; it is music to my ears. I understand however that the mailman is just doing his job when dropping the mail in my territory and that the neighbors have the right to walk past by the gate. I will do my best to avoid asserting my authority over them in as much as it boosts my ego when they all scamper away in fear.
I will tolerate your quirky forms of affection
I appreciate that you feed me, shelter me and look after me. I also acknowledge that you sometimes dress me up as a show of affection. I promise to put up with it and hold my head high even when other dogs taunt me.
Love,
The family Dog